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                                                                                                                                                                          玩牛牛技巧:尴尬又舒服,老外体验掏耳朵,说有“愉悦的战栗感”

                                                                                                                                                                            你……掏耳朵吗?

                                                                                                                                                                            还记得上一次掏耳朵是啥时候?

                                                                                                                                                                            “掏耳朵” 在许多人心中,可能就是这么个小东西:

                                                                                                                                                                            还有更老式 (更伤耳朵)的品种:

                                                                                                                                                                            如果你曾有过绿皮火车 上的购物经历,你可能还买过这个:

                                                                                                                                                                            总之,它们都叫“耳勺” 。

                                                                                                                                                                            普通人清洁耳朵,用用耳勺也就够了。

                                                                                                                                                                            但咱们大天府之国的成都人民,显然不是普通人。

                                                                                                                                                                            在成都,“掏耳朵” 是一门手艺,一项服务,是第三产业的参与者,人民群众喜闻乐见。

                                                                                                                                                                            (图via网络)

                                                                                                                                                                            虽然外地人不明白为啥要光天化日在公共场所掏(搞不好还会被人围观),但那份酸爽 ,那份销魂 ,还有那一丢丢的尴尬 ……绝对会是你终身难忘的体验。

                                                                                                                                                                            有个名叫霍伊 (Hilda Hoy)的外国妹纸,就曾来成都待过一段时间。

                                                                                                                                                                            熊猫变脸串串那是常规项目。想要体验地道的成都生活,这位妹纸鼓起勇气……去掏耳朵 了。

                                                                                                                                                                            然后,打开了新世界的大门

                                                                                                                                                                            某天,霍伊在人民公园里喝着茉莉花茶,看到了周围有掏耳朵的师傅。

                                                                                                                                                                            其中一位师傅姓“舒”。于是,霍伊决定去舒师傅那感受下掏耳朵的神奇魔力。

                                                                                                                                                                            然后开始瑟瑟发抖了起来……

                                                                                                                                                                            I swallowed my nervousness as Master Shu adjusted his headlamp and reached toward my ear with a skinny metal prong.

                                                                                                                                                                            当舒师傅调整好头灯,用一根细长的金属叉探入我的耳朵时,我紧张得直咽口水。

                                                                                                                                                                            “Will it hurt?” I asked pointlessly. It was already too late to flee.

                                                                                                                                                                            “会痛吗?” 我问。这个问题毫无意义,因为逃跑已经来不及了。

                                                                                                                                                                            “Won’t hurt at all,” he murmured. The same thing my dentist always says before flicking on his drill of terror.

                                                                                                                                                                            “一点都不疼,” 他喃喃低语。我的牙医使用“恐怖钻具”前也总说同样的话。

                                                                                                                                                                            ▲In China, Chengdu's peculiar ear-cleaning custom (via BBC)(翻译via BBC中文,下同)

                                                                                                                                                                            只不过,瑟瑟发抖的霍伊小姐姐很快就“真香”了……

                                                                                                                                                                            There was some twirling around the contours of the ear to begin with, then Master Shu went in for the kill.

                                                                                                                                                                            舒师傅一开始只是绕着耳廓转了几圈,接着就长驱直入了。

                                                                                                                                                                            His probing around in the private recesses of my skull was surprisingly… tolerable.

                                                                                                                                                                            他在我颅部的私隐处不断探查,但出乎意料的是感觉还不错。

                                                                                                                                                                            It felt like an awkward tickle, akin to having a sensitive spot on the sole of one’s foot teased very lightly: squirmy discomfort and weird pleasure combined.

                                                                                                                                                                            跟挠痒痒一样,仿佛有人在轻轻逗弄脚底的敏感点,蠕动的不适感和奇异的愉悦感交织在一起。

                                                                                                                                                                            ▲In China, Chengdu's peculiar ear-cleaning custom

                                                                                                                                                                            ……作为一个正经的主页君,我向你保证这是篇正经文章 #FormatImgID_10#

                                                                                                                                                                            不过,霍伊的细节描写还在继续……

                                                                                                                                                                            Once he'd removed as much wax as possible, Master Shu switched to a feather-tipped tool, which went deep into my freshly scooped ear canal and made a few gentle twirls.

                                                                                                                                                                            清理掉大部分耳垢后,舒师傅转而使用一种羽毛状的工具,探入刚刚清洁好的耳道, 轻轻转动几下。

                                                                                                                                                                            For his finale, he whipped out that tuning fork-like instrument with a flourish, then touched its vibrating prongs against the feather tool, making it buzz against the nerves of my ear in the strangest way.

                                                                                                                                                                            最后,他拿起了那个像音叉一样的器件,用它振动的尖头碰了碰“羽毛”,使它以一种奇怪的方式与我耳内的神经摩挲。

                                                                                                                                                                            He repeated the whole routine on the other side of my head, then dashed off to his next customer.

                                                                                                                                                                            另一只耳朵也重复了一遍后,舒师傅便去服务下一位顾客了。

                                                                                                                                                                            ▲In China, Chengdu's peculiar ear-cleaning custom

                                                                                                                                                                            (图via Carla Drago)

                                                                                                                                                                            没有在成都感受过掏耳朵的人,看到这里可能会好奇:如果以前耳道很堵,那掏过之后会不会听声音听得超级清楚 ,有种世界一下子(从听觉上)明亮起来了的感觉?

                                                                                                                                                                            霍伊倒是没这感觉。

                                                                                                                                                                            她说:掏完耳朵后并没觉得听力超凡,但是呢……“我感觉 出奇舒服 ,就像有人帮你挠到了你自己够不着的地方。” ("Though I didn’t emerge with superhuman hearing, the experience was oddly satisfying – like having an out-of-reach itch scratched.")

                                                                                                                                                                            不仅是霍伊,早在90年代时,就有来成都的老外体验过掏耳朵了。

                                                                                                                                                                            当时那老外还用“愉悦的战栗” 来形容过掏耳朵的感觉,啧啧啧……看把你们美的

                                                                                                                                                                            ("Dunlop described her first ear session as delivering...‘shivers of pleasure’ . ")

                                                                                                                                                                            ▲邓洛普《鱼翅与川椒:食在中国的酸甜回忆》

                                                                                                                                                                            不过呢……虽然这种感觉甚是销魂,但主页君还是要提醒大家:最!好!不!要!掏!耳!朵!

                                                                                                                                                                            毕竟,耳科医生并不提倡掏耳朵……

                                                                                                                                                                            要避免耳屎堵塞耳道是不是要经常掏耳朵?耳鼻喉科眩晕门诊医生王志斌说,切勿自行掏耳朵,因为可能会造成耳道损伤,带来不良后果。

                                                                                                                                                                            “正常情况下,耳屎借助咀嚼、张口等运动,多会自动排出,不需要掏耳朵。”

                                                                                                                                                                            王志斌提醒,自行挖耳,局部刺激本身会导致耳屎分泌更多 ,且容易将耳屎推到耳道深处 ,削弱其自身排除的能力并增加医生操作的难度;过度干洁的耳道宽敞,失去了天然屏障作用,蟑螂等小昆虫容易误入耳道。

                                                                                                                                                                            ▲暑期掏耳朵患者增多 医生提醒不要自行掏耳朵 (via淮河晨刊)

                                                                                                                                                                            所以说……掏耳虽舒服,下手需谨慎啊